A Possibly Garbled and Maudlin Post continued...

I'm not too good at the writing side of things these days however, today being my birthday seems quite as good a time as any to announce this publicly as it saves on explaining it to folk individually - again and again. Although I'm normally a private person. I usually let my humour speak for me. Making people laugh is easier on the soul than making people angry or upset. I want to be open about this. I have had a habit of bottling up my feelings and suffering in silence - believing that I can solve them myself... without bothering other people and wasting their time with my petty problems. And look where that got me!

Today I am 57.

In just a few years, I'll be drawing a pension. I still feel young inside though the physical parts are beginning to wear a bit thin and I'm starting to prefer tea to coffee.

Just over a week ago, I received a letter containing the results of my ASD testing which had taken place a few months earlier. I mentioned this in an earlier post. It confirmed what I had suspected for a number of years but had done nothing about despite the effects on my mental health.

I have been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder.

The report that states this is nineteen pages long and came with a lot of other material about the services available to me as well as a recommendation to seek further assessment for ADHD – which to be honest is probably the prime reason - as opposed to the ASD - for not achieving some of my personal goals and aspirations over the years.

Although the diagnosis has drawn a line under my quest for answers, it has left me somewhat bereft. I am quite certain that I sought a reason for my constant mental breakdowns too late – preferring to seek a cure to the immediate problem rather than investigating the ongoing cause of it. I now need to adjust my lifestyle a little to put some more coping mechanisms in place – especially in the workplace.

“Today is the first day of the rest of your life!” goes the saying. So be it. But now the baggage of my past no longer has a mystery attached to it.

Thanks again for all your support. It's certainly got me through some dark times. Strangers can be so nice sometimes.

A. x