It's been a long Lockdown this one and I've not posted anything since the start of it. Apologies for that. I haven't been slouching though. I've done quite a few new designs and returned to some older ones.
In between this and that, I've also (finally) got round to being tested for autism. This has been the bane of my life since my last breakdown in 2017.
My apologies if the following gets all garbled and maudlin.
From the early 90s, I've suffered from serious depression and anxiety issues. I've had three full time jobs since 1990 and each has virtually ended with nervous breakdowns. I have wanted and needed to get to the bottom of this and my GP suggested the test as it would either rule it out or confirm it as one of the the root causes. Also, if the former proved to be the result, it would more than likely indicate other reasons for my continued periods of depression and anxiety.
I've been on a waiting list for just over two years and was about to reach the front of the queue when the first lockdown hit. I had a letter the week before lockdown one. It asked if I was still seeking the consultation as an appointment could now be booked. There were also a lot of forms which I filled in... in a lot of detail. Then another letter stating that due to lockdown, all appointments would have to be cancelled until further notice. It was a bit of a bombshell but I'd kind of accepted it was going to be heading that way during that first scary week after the lockdown announcement.
I kept myself busy over the following months. I isolated and physically kept myself to myself. Doing silly things in Photoshop and the interactions on social media were a huge part of my coping with the situation. I ventured out once a week for shopping with a friend - both of us lived alone so we formed an early bubble right from the start.
Fats forward to February and I got a letter informing me that things were back on track with my assessment and I could now book one. The only problem being that it would be via webcam. There was the alternative to wait until face-to-face meetings were available but, despite hating zoom calls, I went with the virtual one.
The assessment took two afternoons to complete. I haven't received the full report back yet but the assessor seemed to think I had some autistic tendencies but that my condition may be ADHD or ADD. They suggested I get an assessment for that since it was causing problems with my social and work life.
So that's where I am at the moment. Between an autism rock and a ADHD hard place. On the whole I feel reasonably happy. Things are happening. I have bad days every so often. I have a coping mechanism for them. None of those days have been as dark as the ones I had a couple of years ago - even though I've been trapped in my flat (virtually) 24/7 for the past year. 2021's playing field certainly feels a bit more level these days.
Anyhow, I've waffled on for far too long about my sighs and woes. I'll be updating the blog with all the material I've done since last Christmas over the next week or so. I hope you enjoy seeing the stuff tidied up and in one place. I get my enjoyment from creating these things and having folk find them amusing is just a bonus.
Thank you for your continued support. I really appreciate it. You're all lifesavers in a very special way.
