There was an attempt by Stephen Spielburg to make a big Hollywood movie about Doctor Who in the mid-nineties with the lead being played by Paul Nicholas but this was too expensive to make and was made into a series of new adventure books instead that were so adult and clever, they were unreadable and were eventually published by Poundland.
It wasn’t until 2004 that Doctor Who returned to BBC television screens when popular Coromation Street creator - Hustler T. Davis was hired to write it all. Originally, Davis made it as a queer folk programme but BBC bosses told him to ban it and he made it into a Saturday night game show instead. The new Doctor was played by ex-crack actor, Christopher Ecclestone and his companion was played by former S Club 7 pop singer Billy J. Piper. They lived as a married couple with Piper’s mother and her black teenage friend on a London council estate in Cardiff and had great success battling Slimey Veens from the planet Rastafairius and plastic Ortons disguised as waxwork David Beckhams. It was a huge success but after Ecclestone was cited as the other woman in his co-star’s divorce to Captain America star Chris Evans, he was sacked for being too northern.
He was quickly replaced by top actor David Tennants who had previously been a casanova with many women in Blackpool. He had also appeared in a couple of Doctor Who audio plays that nobody bought any more because the TV series was too popular again.
His first stories debuted at Easter in a special movie episode entitled “The Boxing Day Invasion” and went on to even bigger success with stories that featured him meeting one of the last surviving Doctor Who companion Elizabeth Sladden played by Sara Jan Smit and her robot bitch.
Billy J. Piper eventually left to join independent television's successful night time chat lines on ITV2 as a prostitute whilst the series itself welcomed its first African companion, Freda Agamemon. She played Marfa as a much darker character to the ones viewers were used to.
The series had now become so successful that two spin-offs span off from the series .Touchwood featured John Barrowlad as Captain Jack Sparrow – a gay, homosexual pirate from the year one million who sets up a top secret organisation in Swansea to battle alien sex whilst Elizabeth Sladden appeared in a children’s version that didn’t.
Meanwhile, the Doctor had teamed up with comedian Catherine Bate – one half of the comedy duo French and Catherine but David Tennants had now now become too famous and well-liked. He had to leave. Getting rid of him was a difficult task and it took four special episodes to get the job done.
The eleventh Doctor Who would be played by a much younger actor called Matt Smith. He was a former sports reporter with ITV Sports and was the youngest ever child actor since the last one to play the time lord.
Matt Smith – who was the twin son of Munsters' star Fred Gwynne – remained with the series as it hit the big time throughout the world. For the show's 50th birthday, he appeared in person with the previous Doctor Who in a 3D special episode entitled 'The Day of Doctor Who and the Daleks'. The movie length feature was broadcast throughout the known world and was watched by every living person on the planet. Twice. Making it the most watched single thing ever in the history of all creation – though since Norris McWhirter is now dead, this cannot be verified for the next Guinness Book of Records.
When Matt Smith became too young to play the oldest Doctor, he was replaced by former sad fan Peter Garribaldi who was old enough to remember Matt Smith before he was born. When he was told about getting the role, Peter was working at 10 Downing Street as a press officer and swore a lot down the phone at producer Stephen Moffatt. They laughed about it afterwards. A bit.
The new Doctor – together with his newish companion Clara Oswald Mosley – returns in a new series of adventures later this month when the new series will be available to the public via a series of downloads courtesy of BBC Miami.
Questions are still being asked in Parliament but these tend to be ones about whether the new Master should wear a hoodie.
Check out the links on the right for the previous two parts of this exhausting history.